Eugene is bringing it.

Two weeks ago I went out of town. I always feel like going out of town gives a person great perspective on life, and living in Eugene, you really need that. I find that living in this valley, I sometimes get closed minded, or stuck in my own small life. 

People often ask me why I live here. And I have an answer, its just not very definite, but true.
I feel like Eugene always gives when I’m in need. Whenever a door closes, an unexpected one opens. I’m just constantly baffled by Eugene and why I’m still here, but have yet to have an urge to leave.

On this recent out of town visit, I was with family. I felt that support and love you only get from family and your best friends. When I came home, to Eugene, I remembered all my closest friends, my family away from family, were all gone, moved away. I was worried about coming home, and I said to Eugene: “If you want me to stay, you better bring it, or I’m out.” Yeah, it was a threat of sorts.
But hey, IT WORKED.
Eugene, as always, is bringing it. Its giving me what I need. I’m here and I love it. Keep it coming Eugene! You are a magical place and I’m here as long as you’ll have me.
Thank You. 

I’ve got the Blues. (And I’m sold out of Blue Bowties)

Alright Alright.
Talk it out. 

This is an essential part to having your own creative business.
Sharing it is one step further.
So honestly, I’ve been pretty bummed the past week. Why? I have been struggling to figure it out. I had a pretty amazing Street Fair last week, 3 record setting sales in a row. And it was a blast, selling Bowties is really fun. I came home every night and made more so I could sell them the next day. I was addicted. On fire. And then I came down. The party ended. I thought it would keep going. You see, I have the Holiday Market to get ready for and not a lot of time. I would like that fire under my butt to stay lit. But it died. Big time. And I fought it for a while: the old being upset because I’m upset thing gets me no where. Makes me more blue. Today, I think I actually took the day off I needed, went to yoga, did the IChing, went to the Thrift store for fun, ran into an old friend and had a drink at 3:00 in the afternoon. Talked. Relaxed. Laughed.
And I think I figured a few things out. Not major fixers, but I don’t think that’s the point.
I work a lot. Bowties and my business are on my mind most of the time. It’s confusing to me that I get so sad because I feel like I’ve been working towards what I want for so long and this is the closest I’ve ever gotten. So what gives, man? I’ve realize having your own creative business actually very lonely, not that there is much to do about it because honestly I like owning my work, all of it. But maybe there’s parts I want others involved in. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a person who prefers a large amount of alone time. I need it. But I find that when I have a success to celebrate, no one else understands. Other people may be excited, supportive, but I’m the one in the inside who knows what went in to that success. And it was ALOT of stinkin’ work. Why did I do it? Where did that come from? Sometimes I don’t really understand my motivations myself, but I know I’m proud of myself. I know I worked hard and I appreciate that.
There’s another sad piece that might sound quite silly. Its sort of sad to sell the things I make. Yeah yeah, isn’t that my whole business plan? Alright let me explain. I put a lot of effort into my Bows, not just physical, but there is a creative part that  I do get excited about. And I love them. I get attached. I love selling them too because I love seeing other people get excited about them and actually using them. But I have found that I get a bit drained after selling a lot, and its weird. Miss Jillian Jigs figured it out at a young age with her Wonderful Pigs. And I know it, but I do it anyway, its what I want to do. It might be a pleaser tendency, wanting to make people happy. Also slightly self-serving. Something about it.
I’m an artist, always tried to deny it, thought I wasn’t cool enough. But I’ve got the dang moods of an artist so I’ll go with it.
By explaining this, putting it out there, I in no way want to seem like I’m complaining or trying to victimize myself. I’m trying to process it myself and maybe even clarify or share with anyone else who has a similar feeling. Who knows? I don’t think I’m crazy, I’m a human who feels a lot.
I’m trying to take a break so I can jump back in.
There’s sooooooo much I want to do.